"Help Me Help Myself": The Heart of Montessori Education

"I Can't Do It!"

Montessori is a philosophy of life, a way of living and of being with others, but specifically with our children. The saddest part of my day is when I hear a child say, “I can’t do it!” I hate that phrase, especially from a 3-6 year old. Maria Montessori once heard a child say, “Help Me, Help Myself." This message is so powerful that it became the heart of my approach when it comes to children. As adults we want our kids to be independent, yet we still do everything for them… yes, yes I get it… It would be so much easier if we did it. But we must understand, that our kiddos are naturally doers. Children are capable of so much if we allow them. “Help Me, Help Myself,” is more than just a guiding principle—it's the essence of nurturing independence and self-directed learning in children. This powerful idea encapsulates the balance between support and autonomy, and it’s central to how Montessori educators and parents can effectively foster a child's growth. Let’s dive into this concept and explore how it transforms learning environments.

What Does "Help Me, Help Myself" Mean?

To me, “Help Me, Help Myself" is about empowering our children to take charge of their learning and development while providing them with the necessary support to do so. It’s an approach that respects the child’s natural abilities and developmental stages, encouraging them to engage with their environment in a way that promotes self-reliance and confidence. It also means understanding that our children aren't vessels we need spew our knowledge into, but instead we should be viewing them as human beings, already full of potential, and all we have to do is step out of the way and just guide them. Imagine going to work and being told everyday any number of these phrases: "Sorry this is too difficult for you. Let me do it."; "Sorry, we don't have time for you to figure it out."; "Stop, you don't know how to do this."; and "See, this is why I should do it." Imagine hearing that about yourself daily.... I don't know about you, but I would just throw my hands up, yell, and cry too. It's demoralizing and disrespectful, so why do we treat our kids this way? Instead if we view every child as capable and give them activities not too difficult that they cannot complete, but challenging enough that when accomplished they feel a sense of achievement and are ready for more.

The Role of the Educator

In a Montessori classroom, the role of the educator is to act as a guide rather than a traditional instructor. You might have heard me say this many times but, a "fly on the wall" is my favorite analogy. Here’s how educators can embody "Help Me, Help Myself":

1. Observation and Intervention: Educators carefully observe children to understand their needs and interests. Interventions are made when necessary, but the goal is to intervene only enough to facilitate the child's learning process without taking over. Observation is the only way to fully understand a child.

2. Offering Appropriate Tools and Materials: Educators provide materials that are developmentally appropriate and encourage exploration. These materials are often self-correcting, allowing children to learn from their own mistakes and successes. The environment has to be enticing, warm, and filled with activities that are open-ended.

3. Encouraging Autonomy: Educators foster an environment where children can make choices and take responsibility for their actions. This encourages self-discipline and decision-making skills.

4. Modeling Behaviors: By modeling appropriate behaviors and problem-solving strategies, educators provide a blueprint for children to follow. This modeling helps children learn how to approach tasks and challenges effectively.

   
   

The Role of Parents

Parents can also embrace the "Help Me, Help Myself" approach at home by adopting strategies that encourage independence and self-reliance:

1. Create a Supportive Environment: Design home spaces that are safe and conducive to exploration. Provide age-appropriate tools and materials that children can access independently. For example, at your entryway you can have a child sized chair, hook at the child's height, and a place for them to put their things away themselves. Small changes such as these provides an environment that sends the message, "You are capable."

2. Foster Independence: Allow children to make choices and take responsibility for tasks. This might include letting them choose their own clothes, manage simple chores, or make decisions about their daily routines.

3. Offer Guidance, Not Solutions: When children encounter challenges, offer guidance that helps them find solutions rather than solving the problem for them. Ask questions that prompt critical thinking and problem-solving. For example, if your child spills something instead of demanding them to clean it up, you can calmly pause get down at their eye level and ask, "What can you use to clean this up?"

4. Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage children to reflect on their experiences and learning. This helps them develop a deeper understanding of their actions and decisions.

Conclusion

"Help Me, Help Myself" is more than just a Montessori mantra; it’s a transformative approach that empowers children to become confident, independent learners. By providing the right balance of support and autonomy, educators and parents can help children develop the skills they need to navigate their world with competence and curiosity. Embracing this principle fosters an environment where children are motivated to explore, solve problems, and take ownership of their learning journey, setting the stage for a lifetime of growth and discovery. As a kid, i'm sure like a lot of you, have was never treated as capable. It wasn't on purpose, it was just the nature of things, my goal is to break that condescending cycle one child at a time.